The beauty of non-attachment is that it lands us in the present moment and ignites a vibrancy that’s not possible when we’re gunning – or manipulating – for the outcome we desire. I’ve found that when I can truly let go of what’s going to happen next, with my parenting, my marriage, my friendships, my profession, my fitness level, my waistline, I get access to creative inspiration.
When I’m attached to having things go a certain way, and typically this is accompanied by a burning need to have them happen that way within a certain time-frame, I notice that I harden, mind, body and soul. My shoulders creep towards my ears, I lean away, I squint my eyes, clench my jaw. My energy gets anxious and frenetic as I fight against any threat to having what I want, the way I want it, when I want it. I’ve found that in these times I find God to be distant and uncooperative, and that’s when I fall into the fear that maybe there isn’t a God, or maybe he’s mad at me, or worse, I just don’t matter.
Ironically, energetically, this ego-based way of being tends to push away what I want, and make my worst fears come true.
Are you getting tense just reading this? I’m sure I’m getting an “icky” feeling writing it…
So, what’s the alternative? Non-attachment. In the practice of non-attachment, we do the opposite of controlling and defending. We soften. We surrender. We give up our scheming and predicting, and we simply let go.
I have a practice to turning frustration and that horrible feeling of trying to control things that I know I can’t into a moment where I try on the question, “What if everything is for me?” as a mantra. If I ask myself this question enough times, in repetition, I often find that the answer begins to arise, and it says, “Then all is well, no matter what.” The key phrase here is “no matter what.”
Deep in the practice of non-attachment, we surrender completely because we know that “no matter what” we experience, it’s for our greatest good.
When we surrender, we soften, and when we soften, the threats we’ve perceived around us tend to melt away too. It’s the opposite of what many of us have been taught. In the midst of disturbance and “danger” what if we opened to that, maybe even welcomed it in to our experience.
As Mark Gober talks about in Episode 32, “Science Meets Spirit: An End to Upside Down Living,” research on people who have experienced altered states, including near death experiences, where their brains were taken out of the equation, the result was the discovery of oneness and infinite love underneath it all. It’s as if we’re walking through our lives blindfolded, he says.
According to Gober: “Consciousness is love. Love is not an emotion that we have or develop. It is actually our innate nature that our body is sort of veiling from us.”
Today, can you allow your heart to soften, and you mind to let go enough that you can simply sit in stillness and peace in the present moment and know that “no matter what,” all is well?